S3 E05 War Crimes
by JDPostEpisodeChallenge
Summary: A Post Episode by KCat1971
1. Chapter 1

He'd made it clear from the beginning. It was casual sex. Nothing more. Sometimes he needed to de-stress. Otherwise his head literally would explode.

She was willing. She'd been attracted to him from the moment they'd met. He was meant to be a rebound lover. He was meant to help her forget.

He was great at sex. A generous lover. He always made sure she was satisfied. Completely different than the man who came before him.

She made the mistake of falling in love. Hard. She didn't tell him. She knew that wasn't supposed to be part of what they had.

They had work. Where they were meant to pretend the sex didn't happen. And they had sex. When they needed a break from the work.

They didn't have strings. They didn't have commitments. They didn't have each other's hearts.

Well. She didn't have his. And he didn't know he had hers.

He didn't care that she dated other people. She told him about every one of them. He called them goofy names. And sometimes he sabotaged her dates. But he made it clear that he didn't care.

She encouraged him to go out with other people too. He scoffed at her. And never did.

Until Cliff came along.

She didn't tell him about the date with Cliff. She didn't have to think that hard about why not. Cliff was the first one that she'd liked. He was cute. He was funny. Maybe she could have had a future with him. So she'd gone out with him a second time. And she'd slept with him. And then she'd discovered that she couldn't have a future with him either.

And then she'd had to tell Josh about it. He cross examined her harshly. Clearly unhappy. He'd told her to go home. He'd slammed his office door. And there hadn't been any more sex. With either of them.

But she'd kept her promise. She'd kept the casual sex a secret. She'd lied under oath.

And suddenly she was in danger. She'd had to tell Josh what she had done. She hadn't known what else to do. And he'd been even angrier. He'd actually yelled at her. And for the first time, he had reminded her of the man he was supposed to make her forget.

And for the first time since she met him, she had been scared.

But when he'd said "Do absolutely nothing" she'd obeyed. She'd left his office, sat down at her desk, and done nothing. She hadn't even cried.

And when he came out and said "Let's go." She'd gone with him without asking where.

She wasn't even surprised when he'd pulled up in front of her apartment and he'd told her to get the diary and bring it to him.

She wasn't surprised when he'd asked which days were about Cliff. She hung her head while he read through those dates. Twice. She tried to remind herself that she hadn't cheated on him. They'd had an agreement. It was only sex.

She wasn't sure if she was glad that he didn't read anything else. She didn't know if it was good or bad that he didn't know that she'd actually broken their agreement. That it had stopped just being sex to her. That sleeping with Cliff had made her all the more certain that she'd given her heart to Josh.

He'd ripped the Cliff pages out of the diary. He had made a phone call. And then he had handed her diary over to another man. A man who had threatened her. A man who could destroy her.

They had sat on a bench and waited. He had tried to make small talk about the weather. Then he had told her that it was going be fine.

She had wondered who it was going to be fine for. Him? Her? The President?

And then it was over. She didn't go to jail. She didn't lose her job.

And then Amy came along.

And she's not fine.


	2. Chapter 2

She wasn't supposed to date anyone serious. The unspoken agreement was for her to date gomers. Men she had no future with, because after the re-election was over, he had planned to step up.

He had a plan. Granted it wasn't a perfect plan, but it was a plan. Keep things secret the first term. Slowly, quietly, reveal their relationship the second term. Have a Christmas White House Wedding in the Eighth year.

She must have missed the memo. Maybe he should have clued her in.

He was angry when she admitted she'd seen Calley. Behind his back. Twice. While they were battling on the estate tax. Not a gomer. Consorting with the enemy.

Then her admission blindsided him. She lied. Under oath. She could go to jail. She could bring down the Presidency.

He had needed time to think. He had needed to come up with a new plan. He needed to protect the President. He needed ammunition.

She had got up and followed him when he barked "Let's go" at her. As he drove to her apartment, he wondered if she'd do it. But she had trusted him. She'd given him the diary without a word.

He had been surprised at how much it hurt to read the words. At how betrayed he felt. Then he read them a second time, and they delievered another punch in the gut when her regret seeped through and he noticed the water stains on the page.

She probably cried as she wrote the entries.

She'd met a man. He was cute. He was funny. Maybe he could help her move on. Maybe they could have a future. But he'd cut the date short, he'd walked away without explanation. What was wrong with her? Why did she always pick the wrong men?

Then Day 2. He'd called. They'd gotten together. The sex was good. Not great, but it had potential. He was still cute. He was still funny. But the next morning he'd told her about the conflict of interest. Said he couldn't see her for a while, but he hoped they could pick back up when the hearings were over.

She was angry. She felt used. She had no intention of ever seeing him again.

He had been tempted to read the rest of the diary. To gain the glimpse into her soul that he had been denying himself.

But he hadn't. Instead he'd asked her. "Is there anything about the President in here?"

He'd believed her soft no. But he'd asked again, a little more harshly. Her second no was stronger.

Her eyes had flashed when she'd said- "It's a chronicle of my mistakes. No one else's!"

That's when he'd been sure that most of the pages were probably about him.

And then he had made a decision. He had called Calley. He had vouched for Donna. He had told him that she had made an honest mistake. That she hadn't thought they meant a personal diary. That there was nothing in it about the job.

Then he had offered Calley the opportunity to read it. It killed him. To give Calley the opportunity to do what he had denied himself, but he didn't see any other way.

And he had hoped that what he had heard about Calley was true. That he was honorable, that he didn't play dirty.

It had been a gamble. He had risked himself. And he had risked Donna. And if Donna had lied to him, he risked the President.

But it had paid off. Calley had read the diary and returned it. He had said he wouldn't subpoena it. He had kept his word.

But the damage had already been done. Josh had to face the fact that his original plan had not worked. They couldn't work together and pretend to have casual sex.

And she had found a better man anyway. An honorable man. One who kept his word.

So he did what he does. He fixed it the best he could. Maybe she and Calley could have a future once this was all over.

And he tried to ignore the hurt inside.

It would be fine.

Until Amy came along.

Maybe a distraction would help.

It didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

He had another fight with Amy. They don't banter. They bicker. Sometimes it turned her on, but it did nothing for him.

She always went too far. She didn't mind drawing blood. It was politics first, and damn the rest.

He'd had enough. He had slammed back his scotch. He had thrown money down on the bar.

She'd looked disgruntled. Pointed to her still-full drink and said she wasn't ready to go.

He'd told her it was over. But had it really ever begun?

He had planned to walk home.

At first, he had been surprised to find himself outside of Donna's apartment.

A quick self-evaluation told him he wasn't drunk. When someone left, he had grabbed the door. And he had realized that he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

She had answered the knocking. Opened the door with a surprised look. She was wearing pajamas. Her eyes bloodshot. Rimmed in red. A tissue in her hand.

She had been crying.

She's not fine.

But she steps back and let's him in the room.

As he takes off his coat and throws it over a chair, he spots the diary on the coffee table, a pen marking the place where she'd been writing.

"That damn diary! Why didn't you burn it after the trouble it caused?"

She flinches a little, but then straightens her spine and volleys back.

"It wasn't the diary that caused the trouble! It was me. . . It was you. . . It was Cliff."

"And it was Amy." He adds softly.

"As much as I would love to blame Amy, how is this her fault?"

"She's not you."

Her eyes fill up again. But there is hope shining in them.

And then he can't hold back any longer. He takes her arms and crushes her to him. His lips crashing down on hers in desperation. This is all he wants.

No one else will ever do.

She melts against him and returns his passion.

For a moment.

But then she pushes him away.

"Stop. I can't do this again. I can't fall back into bed with you and pretend that casual sex is enough."

"I don't want casual sex."

"You don't?"

"I want your soul. I want every bit of you. I want every gomer in this city to know that you're taken. I want every politician who thinks that they can use you or hurt you to know they'd have to get through me first."

He feels the weight of his secret fall off him. He's made his declaration. He's all in.

She looks scared.

When he finally realizes that, he reels back. The knowledge of her fright hits him like a physical blow.

"If I give you my soul, how will I survive when you walk away?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"If I give you every bit of me, what will I get in return?"

"All that I am. All that I have."

He hesitates for just a moment, but his eyes are shining. "Including my last name, eventually, if you'll take it."

She's physically shaking.

But she doesn't back away and he pulls her back into his arms. He holds her tight, and whispers into her ear.

"God. I love you. Don't you know that? I'd marry you tomorrow if it meant never losing you again."

This time she does push him away. But her eyes are sparkling. She slaps him soundly on his bicep.

"Was that meant to be a proposal? God. I'm going to do you a solid favor and let you re-do that. NOT tomorrow. Sometime in the future. We don't need to rush this. But it can't be like before."

He grins, and sweeps her up into his arms. He carries her back toward her bedroom.

"I'll take an ad out in Roll Call."

He dumps her on to the bed. He toes off his shoes. And pulls his sweater over his head.

"I didn't mean that we have to announce anything. I just mean, it has to mean something."

"It means everything. It always has."

"Really?"

"Really."

"By the way, I love you too."


End file.
